Star Spangled Day
Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Rain
Finally. There were some showers today that seemed to help greatly with the dry trees and grass. It was probably the first such rain of any size in almost a month. Woo hoo!
How's everyone else's weather this summer?
Just call me Mr. Card
You are an SRCF—Sober Rational Constructive Follower. This makes you a White House staffer. You are a tremendous asset to any employer, cool under pressure, productive, and a great communicator. You feel the need to right wrongs, take up slack, mediate disputes and keep the peace. This comes from a secret fear that business can't go on without you—or worse, that it can. If you have a weakness, it is your inability to say “no.” While your peers respect you, they find it difficult to resist taking advantage of your positive attitude and eagerness to take on work. You depend on a good manager to keep you from sinking under the weight and burning out.
Thanks to Christopher and Kevin, who both took it.
At the Crossroads
Unfortunately, answers have been hard for me to come by. Five years ago, I first felt small, nagging call into ministry. I figured it must have just been a wild thought and I tried to push it out of my mind. I was the weirdo as a young child who preferred having my mother read to me the business profiles from Everybody's Business(a book on top corporations) instead of fairy tales and stories. By second grade I had started to try to figure out a serious, profitable business plan. Within a few years I was regularly reading the business section of the newspaper and even watching some stocks. For nearly as long, the technology business has intrigued me. By my mid teens no one even bothered to ask what I was going to do in life so much as exactly what part of the computer business I was going to be involved in. The computer industry has, to a large extent, existed as the “master status” of my life.
Yet, I know it is not me. Knowing that does not necessarily make it easier to escape what has become so entwined with my identity, however. Many who find out my intentions are horrified that I'd give up what appears to be such a “lucrative” path. And at times I feel almost foolish for wishing to change directions. What right minded person would give up being in the industry of the times? I've battled the thoughts in me for years trying to readjust my course to where I had been heading. But its hard to argue with where you feel called.
The future remains very murky to me, which is the most difficult part. Obviously, for the moment, I am going to keep on doing what I have been doing. But then… It's just that. But then what? That's what I really don't know. I've been praying about it for years, but answers elude me. I feel almost as if I get further mired in the swamp of indecision as I move forward. On the other hand, my realization that my purpose is not what I am doing now is becoming only clearer as time passes.
It is a weird thing. At times I feel like a failure. I'm not suppose to be doing this, right? I always prided myself for knowing exactly where I wanted to go in the future. As others tried to figure out what they wanted to do, I [thought I] knew. The reality that I really didn't is troubling.
Part of me feels called to somewhere in academia to train up people. I love the intricacies of apologetics and theology, and I love exploring them through socratic method. I have also spent a lot of the time that I've been involved in computers training people, albeit with a smaller, often in a one-on-one type of setting. Another part of me feels torn towards a more active roll in ministry — it is fine to sit within the hallowed halls and talk about what should be done, but maybe I would be better on the front lines. Or maybe not. That is the conundrum. Either way I will have ample opportunity to continue to flex and develop my other passion: the written word.
Maybe I know just what I need to know for now. Enough to move forward toward whatever the destination is for me. Maybe if I knew what the future held it would be too much to deal with just yet. Still, such a loose sense of purpose and direction — especially aimed away from what everyone expects one to continue to do — is hard to explain and harder to get people to accept. Whether those who know me accept it or not is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but it does not make it any easier in the short run.
So for now, I just keep plodding along toward the horizon where I will hopefully reach my next stop. Perhaps my current work isn't so much a mistake or detail so much as a provision of the luxury to take my time reaching where I need to be. I am sure God has it all planned out, I just with he would drop the “map” down to me so I could see that ahead of time.
QOTW #8: Canonizing Question
Okay, so I still have my hard disk torn up, but I hope to have my old e-mail archive assembled next week and will present David's question then. For now, let's do another one from me.
What's your canon in the canon? (That is, if you could only pick one part of the Bible and make it “yours,” what book or section of books would it be?)
Mine is most definitely the Epistles of the Apostle Paul. I'm very Pauline. On the occasion that I get the urge to rant about a theological issue, I often find myself thinking of Paul and arguing Paul's points. Paul's arguments on the distribution of Grace, issues of legalism (or the needed lack thereof), soteriology in general and everything else rings so fresh and so strongly today. Paul's arguments are wonderful in that they are paradoxically very simple to get the gist of and very complex below the surface. While I don't feel any book(s) of the Bible ought to take precedence over the others — that is, all of them fit together and are necessary — I love the fact that Paul goes right to the heart of the matter and lays everything out. I love his fiery defense of Christian doctrine against heresy and his amazing dedication. So, it is definitely Paul for me. (If I couldn't pick Paul, I'd probably pick the Eschatological books of Daniel and Revelation).
How about you? Post your pick below or post a link to your blog if you answer there.
Wasting Time On Web Quizes
Take the What High School Stereotype Are You? quiz.
Again, thanks go to Kevin.
Hmm...
My japanese name is ?? Saruwatari (monkey on a crossing bridge) ?? Taiki (large radiance).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
Thanks to Kevin.
Fire Internet Explorer Today with Firefox!
Do you feel sorry for your Windows using colleagues and friends that are stuck being bombarded with spyware, adware and worse thanks to Internet Explorer and Outlook Express? I've written a how-to aimed exactly for these kinds of folks that will walk them through the move to Mozilla Firefox and Thunderbird, including importing data, reinstalling useful plugins and other things that are beyond the scope of what many Windows users will want to figure out without help. You can find it at OfB.biz.
Headache
My server reached the four month mark — 120 days 23 hours, actually — earlier today. Incidentally, cPanel automatically upgraded my exim installation into oblivion earlier today too (during its nightly update cycle). So, I had to panic (first) and then reboot the system to get a “defunct” exim process to finally quit (it wouldn't terminate via the UNIX kill command even with the “dash nine” switch). Fortunately, I did get everything recovered after reading some helpful threads from others running into the same issue over at WebHostingTalk.com.
I also had some problems with FaithTree.com eating up all of my system's CPU cycles, but as it turned out, somehow I had set it to download all of the RSS feeds and weather every minute. It takes probably 5-10 minutes for one update to complete, so that meant it was constantly downloading things multiple times. Ouch. I guess that is why my bandwidth usage was forty-five times higher this month than last month (prior to me migrating FaithTree). I noticed the bandwidth problem today too.
What a day. I think I'll go eat the (formerly warm) dinner I was getting ready to eat two hours ago before things spiraled out of control. Hopefully things will be stable now.
