Just call me Mr. Card

You are an SRCF—Sober Rational Constructive Follower. This makes you a White House staffer. You are a tremendous asset to any employer, cool under pressure, productive, and a great communicator. You feel the need to right wrongs, take up slack, mediate disputes and keep the peace. This comes from a secret fear that business can't go on without you—or worse, that it can. If you have a weakness, it is your inability to say “no.” While your peers respect you, they find it difficult to resist taking advantage of your positive attitude and eagerness to take on work. You depend on a good manager to keep you from sinking under the weight and burning out.

Thanks to Christopher and Kevin, who both took it.

At the Crossroads

Unfortunately, answers have been hard for me to come by. Five years ago, I first felt small, nagging call into ministry. I figured it must have just been a wild thought and I tried to push it out of my mind. I was the weirdo as a young child who preferred having my mother read to me the business profiles from Everybody's Business(a book on top corporations) instead of fairy tales and stories. By second grade I had started to try to figure out a serious, profitable business plan. Within a few years I was regularly reading the business section of the newspaper and even watching some stocks. For nearly as long, the technology business has intrigued me. By my mid teens no one even bothered to ask what I was going to do in life so much as exactly what part of the computer business I was going to be involved in. The computer industry has, to a large extent, existed as the “master status” of my life.

Yet, I know it is not me. Knowing that does not necessarily make it easier to escape what has become so entwined with my identity, however. Many who find out my intentions are horrified that I'd give up what appears to be such a “lucrative” path. And at times I feel almost foolish for wishing to change directions. What right minded person would give up being in the industry of the times? I've battled the thoughts in me for years trying to readjust my course to where I had been heading. But its hard to argue with where you feel called.

The future remains very murky to me, which is the most difficult part. Obviously, for the moment, I am going to keep on doing what I have been doing. But then… It's just that. But then what? That's what I really don't know. I've been praying about it for years, but answers elude me. I feel almost as if I get further mired in the swamp of indecision as I move forward. On the other hand, my realization that my purpose is not what I am doing now is becoming only clearer as time passes.

It is a weird thing. At times I feel like a failure. I'm not suppose to be doing this, right? I always prided myself for knowing exactly where I wanted to go in the future. As others tried to figure out what they wanted to do, I [thought I] knew. The reality that I really didn't is troubling.

Part of me feels called to somewhere in academia to train up people. I love the intricacies of apologetics and theology, and I love exploring them through socratic method. I have also spent a lot of the time that I've been involved in computers training people, albeit with a smaller, often in a one-on-one type of setting. Another part of me feels torn towards a more active roll in ministry — it is fine to sit within the hallowed halls and talk about what should be done, but maybe I would be better on the front lines. Or maybe not. That is the conundrum. Either way I will have ample opportunity to continue to flex and develop my other passion: the written word.

Maybe I know just what I need to know for now. Enough to move forward toward whatever the destination is for me. Maybe if I knew what the future held it would be too much to deal with just yet. Still, such a loose sense of purpose and direction — especially aimed away from what everyone expects one to continue to do — is hard to explain and harder to get people to accept. Whether those who know me accept it or not is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but it does not make it any easier in the short run.

So for now, I just keep plodding along toward the horizon where I will hopefully reach my next stop. Perhaps my current work isn't so much a mistake or detail so much as a provision of the luxury to take my time reaching where I need to be. I am sure God has it all planned out, I just with he would drop the “map” down to me so I could see that ahead of time.

QOTW #8: Canonizing Question

Okay, so I still have my hard disk torn up, but I hope to have my old e-mail archive assembled next week and will present David's question then. For now, let's do another one from me.

What's your canon in the canon? (That is, if you could only pick one part of the Bible and make it “yours,” what book or section of books would it be?)

Mine is most definitely the Epistles of the Apostle Paul. I'm very Pauline. On the occasion that I get the urge to rant about a theological issue, I often find myself thinking of Paul and arguing Paul's points. Paul's arguments on the distribution of Grace, issues of legalism (or the needed lack thereof), soteriology in general and everything else rings so fresh and so strongly today. Paul's arguments are wonderful in that they are paradoxically very simple to get the gist of and very complex below the surface. While I don't feel any book(s) of the Bible ought to take precedence over the others — that is, all of them fit together and are necessary — I love the fact that Paul goes right to the heart of the matter and lays everything out. I love his fiery defense of Christian doctrine against heresy and his amazing dedication.

So, it is definitely Paul for me. (If I couldn't pick Paul, I'd probably pick the Eschatological books of Daniel and Revelation).

How about you? Post your pick below or post a link to your blog if you answer there.

Wasting Time On Web Quizes

Take the What High School Stereotype Are You? quiz.

Again, thanks go to Kevin.

Hmm...

My japanese name is ?? Saruwatari (monkey on a crossing bridge) ?? Taiki (large radiance).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Thanks to Kevin.

Fire Internet Explorer Today with Firefox!

Do you feel sorry for your Windows using colleagues and friends that are stuck being bombarded with spyware, adware and worse thanks to Internet Explorer and Outlook Express? I've written a how-to aimed exactly for these kinds of folks that will walk them through the move to Mozilla Firefox and Thunderbird, including importing data, reinstalling useful plugins and other things that are beyond the scope of what many Windows users will want to figure out without help. You can find it at OfB.biz.

Headache

My server reached the four month mark — 120 days 23 hours, actually — earlier today. Incidentally, cPanel automatically upgraded my exim installation into oblivion earlier today too (during its nightly update cycle). So, I had to panic (first) and then reboot the system to get a “defunct” exim process to finally quit (it wouldn't terminate via the UNIX kill command even with the “dash nine” switch). Fortunately, I did get everything recovered after reading some helpful threads from others running into the same issue over at WebHostingTalk.com.

I also had some problems with FaithTree.com eating up all of my system's CPU cycles, but as it turned out, somehow I had set it to download all of the RSS feeds and weather every minute. It takes probably 5-10 minutes for one update to complete, so that meant it was constantly downloading things multiple times. Ouch. I guess that is why my bandwidth usage was forty-five times higher this month than last month (prior to me migrating FaithTree). I noticed the bandwidth problem today too.

What a day. I think I'll go eat the (formerly warm) dinner I was getting ready to eat two hours ago before things spiraled out of control. Hopefully things will be stable now.

I've Actually Seen Some of Them!

1. Titanic (1997) $600,779,824
2. Star Wars (1977) $460,935,665
3. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) $434,949,459
4. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999) $431,065,444
5. Spider-Man (2002) $403,706,375
6. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003) $377,019,252
7. Passion of the Christ, The (2004) $370,025,697
8. Jurassic Park (1993) $356,784,000
9. Shrek 2 (2004) $356,211,000
10. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002) $340,478,898
11. Finding Nemo (2003) $339,714,367
12. Forrest Gump (1994) $329,691,196
13. Lion King, The (1994) $328,423,001
14. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001) $317,557,891
15. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001) $313,837,577
16. Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002) $310,675,583
17. Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983) $309,125,409
18. Independence Day (1996) $306,124,059
19. Pirates of the Caribbean (2003) $305,411,224
20. Sixth Sense, The (1999) $293,501,675
21. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) $290,158,751
22. Home Alone (1990) $285,761,243
23. Matrix Reloaded, The (2003) $281,492,479
24. Shrek (2001) $267,652,016
25. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) $261,970,615
26. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) $260,031,035
27. Jaws (1975) $260,000,000
28. Monsters, Inc. (2001) $255,870,172
29. Batman (1989) $251,188,924
30. Men in Black (1997) $250,147,615
31. Toy Story 2 (1999) $245,823,397
32. Bruce Almighty (2003) $242,589,580
33. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) $242,374,454
34. Twister (1996) $241,700,000
35. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) $241,437,427
36. Ghost Busters (1984) $238,600,000
37. Beverly Hills Cop (1984) $234,760,500
38. Cast Away (2000) $233,630,478
39. Lost World: Jurassic Park, The (1997) $229,074,524
40. Signs (2002) $227,965,690
41. Rush Hour 2 (2001) $226,138,454
42. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) $219,200,000
43. Ghost (1990) $217,631,306
44. Aladdin (1992) $217,350,219
45. Saving Private Ryan (1998) $216,119,491
46. Mission: Impossible II (2000) $215,397,307
47. X2 (2003) $214,948,780
48. Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002) $213,079,163
49. Back to the Future (1985) $210,609,762
50. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) $205,399,422
51. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) $204,843,350
52. Exorcist, The (1973) $204,565,000
53. Mummy Returns, The (2001) $202,007,640
54. Armageddon (1998) $201,573,391
55. Gone with the Wind (1939) $198,655,278
56. Pearl Harbor (2001) $198,539,855
57. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) $197,171,806
58. Toy Story (1995) $191,800,000
59. Men in Black II (2002) $190,418,803
60. Gladiator (2000) $187,670,866
61. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) $184,925,485
62. Dances with Wolves (1990) $184,208,848
63. Batman Forever (1995) $184,031,112
64. Fugitive, The (1993) $183,875,760
65. Ocean's Eleven (2001) $183,405,771
66. What Women Want (2000) $182,805,123
67. Perfect Storm, The (2000) $182,618,434
68. Liar Liar (1997) $181,395,380
69. Grease (1978) $181,360,000
70. Jurassic Park III (2001) $181,166,115
71. Mission: Impossible (1996) $180,965,237
72. Planet of the Apes (2001) $180,011,740
73. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) $179,870,271
74. Pretty Woman (1990) $178,406,268
75. Tootsie (1982) $177,200,000
76. Top Gun (1986) $176,781,728
77. There's Something About Mary (1998) $176,483,808
78. Ice Age (2002) $176,387,405
79. Crocodile Dundee (1986) $174,635,000
80. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) $173,585,516
81. Elf (2003) $173,381,405
82. Air Force One (1997) $172,888,056
83. Rain Man (1988) $172,825,435
84. Apollo 13 (1995) $172,071,312
85. Matrix, The (1999) $171,383,253
86. Beauty and the Beast (1991) $171,301,428
87. Tarzan (1999) $171,085,177
88. Beautiful Mind, A (2001) $170,708,996
89. Chicago (2002) $170,684,505
90. Three Men and a Baby (1987) $167,780,960
91. Meet the Parents (2000) $166,225,040
92. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) $165,500,000
93. Hannibal (2001) $165,091,464
94. Catch Me If You Can (2002) $164,435,221
95. Big Daddy (1999) $163,479,795
96. Sound of Music, The (1965) $163,214,286
97. Batman Returns (1992) $162,831,698
98. Bug's Life, A (1998) $162,792,677
99. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) $161,963,000
100. Waterboy, The (1998) $161,487,252

Facing the Beginning of Infinity

I'm learning why symlinks aren't always such a good idea. I use them in my home directory on my GNU/Linux desktop and always thought they were helpful. But they also have made it impossible to use scp easily to get my stuff copied over to my Mac while I switch GNU/Linux distributions. I have a few symlinks that I haven't found yet that must recursively link around to most of my files because my 7 GB home directory took over 14 GB on my Mac and it wasn't done copying. In other words, scp was copying deeper and deeper into the recursive links that go back and forth and everytime it would go into a “deeper version” of directory A, it would find a link to directory B and in directory B it would find A or maybe C which then links back to A. Ad infinitum.

So now, I must go through each directory in search of symlinks that might cause trouble. So much for saving time. I've gotten a lot copied over, but there is still some work to do. Hopefully I'll be running Mandrake Linux 10 or Fedora Core 2 within a few days. I might start off with Fedora and then decide which way to go. We'll see.

It's All About Me

Josiah blogged about an article on people checking their Google rank (that is, how many hits come up when you search for your name on Google). If I search only for “Timothy R. Butler” (which mostly guarantees mostly stuff referring to me and not someone else, I get a “rank” of 7,150… on the other hand, if I go for a more lenient search that also includes “Timothy Butler” and “Tim Butler” (which also pulls in other people's stuff, I get 18,300.

While it is somewhere in between, I would suspect, I would generally think the first search is closest to the correct number. After all, my full name is used pretty much every place, including articles, e-mail and even blog comments. I have thought about shedding some of the “formality” on blogs, but after commenting that way so long, I don't want to make things too confusing… you know? In person, virtually no one calls me anything other than “Tim,” so it would seem logical that I would go by “Tim” online too. Oh well. Y'all already know that anyway (why did I just have an unstoppable urge to say “y'all”?).

At any rate, it is interesting to see, even though it does not tell me much. What's your Google rank?