Unfolding My Story: Real, Live Examples of What I've Been Saying
So someone in St. Louis comes by to my most recent post on the abusive activities at my old church today and posts a link anonymously. I have significant reasons to believe this to be from someone at that old church. The link goes to the Men's Fraternity bookstore page for a booklet called “The Quest for Authentic Manhood: The Overly-Bonded with Mother Wound.”
This smacks of something of the propaganda the pastor of the old church has pushed for the last year. My mother was well liked at the old church and can also hold her own under attack, so when she would not agree to the pastor's request that she push me to do what he wanted, when, instead, she supported my free and independent decision to refuse to continue to be abused by the pastor and those assisting him, the church leadership set out to attack her. The pastor attacked her in his communications with church leaders, our friends, my dean and others.
He would have been fine with her being as controlling as he falsely alleges if she had allowed him to use her to manipulate me. It was when she joined a chorus that also included numerous other godly people I go to for advice, when I stood up and said I would not violate Scripture or conscience to do the bidding of, as I now have come to realize, an overly controlling pastor (not an overly controlling mother), that suddenly the pastor decided I was not manly enough. Is not having godly advisors in one's life to help one deal with difficult situations part of what these “Biblical manhood” programs are even suppose to foster? The pastor wanted none of that, so he twisted the narrative to be about my mom somehow forcing me to stray and then attacked this straw man (or straw woman, in this case) — this caricature of my mother — he had created.
Simply put, neither my mother nor I had a good reason to make up the claims we have made, so they have resorted to personal attacks to distract from the wrongs being done. They are attacking her because while it is easy enough to try to discredit a young seminarian like myself with unfair stereotypes, it is much harder to explain away why a life long member as well liked, caring and gentle as my mother would assert the things she has over the past year.
If they fail to poison the well, people might actually openly read the evidence I offered that demonstrates the things I claimed. Because they know I have evidence of the great wrongs occurring at that church, they have done everything they can to discredit us — and continue to do so even a year later.
My reliable sources throughout the church continue to alert me to the pastor's ongoing campaign of slander against my mother and I can imagine someone heard one of his remarks and decided to set me straight by informing me of how I could become an authentic man by recovering from my alleged “overly bonded with mother wound.” Apparently, if one's mother defends her son when people are slanderously attacking him, that means she is overly bonded with her son.
Ironically, this person trying to show me how I am not manly enough was not manly enough to post with a name, while I have put my name on everything I have written. That was the problem all along: I was willing to put my name to my claims and the pastor and leadership were not willing to do the same without non-disclosure agreements.
So, why are they attacking now? I believe they have again ratcheted up their attacks in recent weeks — for example, talking about the “the Butlers” in the context of “Satan attacking the church” at an administrative meeting last Monday — in an attempt to distract from more ominous allegations coming forth towards the church.
They have to demonize us and then associate everyone who dares challenge the pastor with us or people might start to question the mounting evidence that something is terribly wrong. Not only have numerous long time members now left the church over the pastor's abusive actions to them, now a young woman has come forward publicly alleging that when she was sexually assaulted as a minor by another one of the youth at that church, the pastor covered it up and ignored state reporting laws requiring him to contact authorities in such a case.
Rather than investigate this serious allegation, numerous people in the church have worried about whether “the Butlers” put her up to writing that. We did not — we were not even aware of her plight before she posted the review on the church's Google Maps page — but, what if we had? Would her alleged experience be less troubling if someone else injured by the church had nudged her to speak out about it?
They need to focus on me and my family because that allegation is so thoroughly disturbing. So, they put out new slanders, try to blame my family for pretty much everything going wrong and post anonymous links to self-help styled booklets on how I should become a real man.
Would they be willing to write “their side” of the story publicly, signed with their names? I doubt it, because they know I have evidence backing my writing, even if I have withheld publishing it in an attempt to avoid publicly exposing the identities of those who attacked me. They know I even offered to submit to a polygraph test to authenticate my story. They know I continue to write and feel passionately about this because they know others are being hurt and that I have a burden to speak out for those being hurt.
No matter how much they may deny it, they know the truth. For the good of the Church, I pray it will burst forth before anyone else is harmed.
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