Nice...

I was blessed to spend the evening with two of my colleagues from seminary and their wives. It was just a nice time of food and fellowship. It was a reminder of one of the joys of seminary outside of classes: the other people there. How delightful.

Dreams Amidst the Fire

January 11, 1998 is a day of infamy for me, so normally I find myself somewhat reflective on this anniversary. Today I find myself doubly so after a strange dream last night. I don't usually remember my dreams, but this one stuck out as the setting was a strange blend of the Lindenwood and Covenant campuses on the first day of class for the Spring term at Covenant. Some of my favorite Lindenwood professors were running about getting to the classes they were teaching, and some of my friends were standing in lines registering for classes and doing other errands.

I was set on heading to my Covenant mailbox to see if I had gotten any of last semester's papers back and ran into a particularly notable friend, L. In real life, unfortunately, I unwittingly managed to drive a wedge in my friendship with L, and have not talked to this friend since right after the end of last semester, though I attempted to do what little I could to rectify things once in a letter. At any rate, in my dream all of this had taken place, but it turned out the letter had had the hoped for consequence and my friend had forgiven me, much to the Dream-Me's surprise. We had a very nice, normal conversation as we walked to check our respective mailboxes. It was all very delightful, but I woke up in the midst of it and quickly realized none of that had really happened.

This haunts me, because I am a fixer. Something broken is a challenge to me that I feel obligated to find a fix for. In this case I realized the wisest course of action may not have been to even send the letter, but having done that already, it is certainly wisest to say nothing more. Being powerless to fix something, though, always leaves me pondering the potential ways I can fix it — a trait I got from my grandpa. And that leads me to why this day is infamous to me.

On Sunday, January 11, 1998, my family was getting ready for church at 7:10 or so in the morning when my uncle called. He lived with my grandparents at the time. We had just been over to their house the night before for a sort of “final party of the Christmas season” before all of the decorations and such came down; it would be the last really normal time I'd ever spend with them. My uncle was panicked on the phone. Their house was on fire and they had narrowly escaped it. As it would turn out, a small crimp in the aluminum wiring of the house had ignited a fire in the attic which had smoldered until it finally swept down into the garage and then the main part of the house. Most things on the main floor of the house were destroyed, and my grandparents would not have survived had my uncle not awoken — the ceiling in their bedroom collapsed, likely just moments after they escaped.

As my family drove from St. Charles over across I-70 to Maryland Heights, our hearts sunk. Their was a gigantic black plume of smoke in the air, and we knew where it was coming from. We arrived while the fire was still in full swing, cruelly eating away at the always previously joyful house. My grandparents were antique dealers and the fire had taken quite well to their treasures. But we never would have guessed what else it took. My grandmother would eventually die of dementia in 2005, but really showed no sign of its onset until that Sunday. The fire was too much for her and she started on a rapid slide into the clouds of Alzheimer's.

My grandpa, as it would turn out, had a terminal cancer that was probably already in full swing, and which caused confusion as well, and while we did not know the cause, this too was apparent immediately after the fire. But it was made worse, I believe, because my grandpa was a fixer — he had infinite patience when something required it and the determination to match — nothing was beyond fixing if he put his mind to it. But my grandma was. He could do nothing to pull her back out of the fog she entered so suddenly. He denied anything was the matter with her to us when we tried to probe in concern, but after he died, we found contact information for the Alzheimer's Association amidst his things. It seems despite his own bout of irrationality he was very aware of what was the matter with my grandma, but refused to admit it to anyone else to protect her. Until his own disease made it impossible for him to do so, he poured all of himself into the project of keeping her afloat. From an outside perspective of years gone by, it is really something beautiful to behold his determination driven by love, but in the immediate ashes of the fire, all I saw was that my grandparents, who had been an absolutely huge part of my life had survived but been all but taken from me anyway.

I wish on no one the horror of digging through the rubble of a fire, doubly so in January. The smell of the fire sticks to you for long after you leave the site with a scent that is surely straight out of the Inferno. I can still conjure up the smell just thinking about it. If the smell is not enough of a reminder, the ash is nearly permanent on anything it lands on. The pain of seeing the house in ruins is, at least temporarily, overcome by the far worse prospect of sorting through those ruins. It lingers.

And so it was, really, for my grandparents. They did not live so much as linger after that day. They were two of the most amazing people I have ever known, and two I could do little better in choosing those to emulate. Those two amazing, loving, wonderful, unique people in a cloud of smoke were snatched away.

January 11, ten years ago. Time's winged chariot moves so quickly.

So Much to Write About

I have so much to write about, but today just went zooming by. I have some ideas other than politics tomorrow, more reflective type stuff, and then I'll talk about my candidate endorsement sometime soon. Sorry for the delay. Tune in tomorrow!

It Feels Good...

…to be in the midst of analyzing Campaign '08. I've not been this excited about politics in at least a year. I need to keep my inner political junkie under control, but a little fun every so often never hurts. And what a start! Who knows what will happen at this point.

Well, I don't, but I am going to make “official” my endorsements for President in both major parties tomorrow. Aren't you excited? The person to guess my pick on both sides correctly gets 25 asisaid points.

The Flip Side of Memory

Remembering spring '05 is a mixed blessing over these past spring like days. On the one hand, it was one of the most pleasant springs ever, on the other hand, it leaves me missing those things that were then and likely will never be again.

I need to write about that somehow, perhaps as I did related events in my “Nameless” series from the previous fall. In some ways, the spring portion of the 2005 semester seems to be the time to beat for me — everything seemed so perfect. But, that is a story for another day.

ON ANOTHER NOTE, I'm not quite sure what to say about tonight's primary. I'm happy to see Clinton winning over Obama, but I'd rather have seen Paul, Huckabee or Romney triumph over McCain. Still, I'll take any of those four over Giuliani, so all is not lost.

Reminds Me of Spring

It has been around seventy degrees the last two days, which makes me (unsurprisingly) think of spring. Particularly, it makes me think of spring 2005, perhaps the finest spring in recent memory for me. The weather and memories made me feel light and joyful, perhaps especially when combined with the fact that I finished my TA grading duties for the fall semester exams on Saturday evening.

Now a spring thunderstorm has set in. Pleasant little moments…

Happy Epiphany!

Well, given the day, my subject of posting seems quite obvious given that I've been lingering with Christmas carols for the past few weeks. With the usual disclaimers of accuracy, let's bring on “We Three Kings” to wrap up the festival of carols. Just for Ed, I'll include the whole thing, too.

Happy Epiphany, and, once more for this season, Merry Christmas!

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to thy Perfect Light

Born a King on Bethlehem's plain
Gold I bring to crown Him again
King forever, ceasing never
Over us all to rein

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to Thy perfect light

Frankincense to offer have I
Incense owns a Deity nigh
Pray'r and praising, all men raising
Worship Him, God most high

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to Thy perfect light

Myrrh is mine, its bitter perfume
Breathes of life of gathering gloom
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying
Sealed in the stone-cold tomb

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to Thy perfect light

Glorious now behold Him arise
King and God and Sacrifice
Alleluia, Alleluia
Earth to heav'n replies

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to Thy perfect light

The Twelve Days of Christmas (Day 12/Twelfth Night)

A great while ago the world begun,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain;
But that's all one, our play is done,
And we'll strive to please you every day.

—Feste the Fool (William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night)

Well today is Twefth Night, a day we do not usually celebrate in America (or at least, not that I've noticed), but perhaps we should. At any rate, a quote from the Bard's play concerning this night seemed appropriate. Better yet, it fits nicely as we wrap up my twelve days of carols via a quote from perhaps the greatest fictional person ever to wear motley. Do with it “what you will.”

So, on to the carol, “the Twelve Days of Christmas.” Do you love it? Hate it? What do you make of it? A lot of people have tried to explain its symbolism, but usually those explanations are found sadly to be false. Alternately, if you want, feel free to post what your true love gave to you for Christmas (hopefully it didn't include pipers piping and a bunch of partridges).

1.
On the first day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me1
A partridge in a pear tree.

2.
On the second day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

3.
On the third day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

4.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Four colley birds,1a
Three French hens,
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

5.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Five golden rings.
Four colley birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

6.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings.
Four colley birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

7.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings.
Four colley birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

8.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings.
Four colley birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

9.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Nine drummers drumming,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings.
Four colley birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

10.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Ten pipers piping,
Nine drummers drumming,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings.
Four colley birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

11.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Eleven ladies dancing,
Ten pipers piping,
Nine drummers drumming,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings.
Four colley birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

12.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Twelve lords a-leaping,
Eleven ladies dancing,
Ten pipers piping,
Nine drummers drumming,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings.
Four colley birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle-doves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day (Day 11)

On the eleventh day of Christmas, I bring you another favorite carol related, incidentally, to bells. This one is poignant and somewhat unusual in its focus on the fallen world while still keeping the original Christmas in the picture. It seems like many of the Christmas songs that talk about peace really have no grounding in Christmas and could just as easily have been written for some other time of the year. This one, however, does not fall into that trap. In a way, the song reflects the “already-not yet” tension of Christianity, and, again, the whole sense of yearning for restoration.

To it, it seems appropriate to say, “Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.”

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

Till ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head
“There is no peace on earth,” I said,
“For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men.”

Sing We Now of Christmas (Day 10)

This song catches my fancy every so often, and I was listening to the version of it that belongs to part of a medley on Michael W. Smith's Christmastime CD the other day, so I thought I would include it. It seems like one of the better carols for a choir — lots of interesting possibilities to be followed in such a setting.

Well, only two more carols to go. With that in mind, what are your favorite carols? Any that have been overlooked here?

Sing we now of Christmas,
Noel sing we here.
Sing our grateful praises
To the maid so dear.
Chorus
Sing we Noel!
The King is born, Noel!
Sing we now of Christmas.
Sing we here, Noel!

From the Eastern kingdoms
Come the wise men far.
Bearing ancient treasure,
Following yonder star.

Sing we Noel!
The King is born, Noel!
Sing we now of Christmas.
Sing we here, Noel!