Melancholy

I don't know what it is. By most accounts this has been a good two weeks. Busy, yes, but good none the less. Yet a strange sense of melancholy has set over me the last day or two. I was rather gloomy at the end of last year, partly for reasons I've talked about elsewhere, partly for other reasons as well, but I thought I was pretty much moving beyond all of those reasons (at least to some extent). Yet something is bothering me tonight; I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I just don't quite know why.

The trickling of the stream outside only makes it worse, I'm afraid. It is so soft and peaceful, yet unceasing like time. Maybe that is part of it. I see a lot of endings ahead. Some within a couple of months, some within a year or two. There are some endings I know I must also bring about to accomplish what God wants me to do, yet I don't really want to relegate those parts of my life to the past (this is especially difficult since there is nothing intrinsically wrong with that which I must move beyond, it just isn't the right place for me to be right now). The last decade has seemed to teem with so many endings I tremble at more, and yet they must come, I suppose.