A Dozen Thoughts for the Day

By Tim Butler | Posted at 10:37 AM

12. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die

11. Always get the last word in: Apologize.

10. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

9. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

8. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

7. Whenever you feel blue, start breathing again.

6. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

5. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

4. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

3. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

2. How is it, one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

You read about all these terrorists —- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

Tags: Humor

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